the countess conspiracy by courtney milan
another one down for romancelandia university – and my first historical romance from courtney milan! the countess conspiracy took me a bit to get into. to be honest I'm not certain I ever really got there in the end.
I'm quite conflicted toward this book. I loved the premise – a woman (violet) conducting the science and making the breakthrough discoveries, but needing a frontman (sebastian) to legitimize it. the source of conflict is all there, with sebastian, quietly in love with violet, no longer wanting to claim the credit for her work...
loved all that. but there was something odd about the way the whole thing was written. I had a hard time getting a good grasp of who exactly violet and sebastian were, and I struggled to buy into their relationship until much, much later in the book.1
I felt at times like the entire story was driven purely by dialogue. there was just so much of it.
many of the plot points only happened because characters said they did. there are a handful of reveals that are mentioned almost offhandedly in conversation, without much buildup or context. I feel weird saying it, but I wish courtney milan had written more story, wish she had somehow added more color or vibrancy to her characters' lines. there was a lot of telling, and I think I could've done with more showing, because I didn't always buy into the backstory and I can only chalk that up to being caught off guard by it.
that being said, I did like that violet and sebastian communicated with one another and slowly felt their way into a relationship... especially with a character like violet, who struggles to feel comfortable with people – I liked watching her express all her uncertainties, even deflecting at times, and seeing sebastian respond to each little thing in turn. I always love a male love interest who can hang with it.
But she needed that distance. If she'd wanted to explain, she'd have done so. She stood in the gap between the walls, impossibly far away, her hands wringing together in an unexplained misery. After a long pause, he shook his head. "Then I'm sorry, too, sweetheart," he said huskily. "I'm sorry, too."
the countess conspiracy was another one in my unlikable vs. neurodivergent series, and I have to be adamant about this: violet is NOT unlikable. I am starting to majorly take issue with the way people keep calling EXTREMELY NORMAL WOMEN "prickly" & "difficult."
"I'm not difficult, Sebastian. I'm the easiest person around. I don't belong, and I spend all my time pretending I do. Sometimes I get weary of it, and that makes me angry."
my working hypothesis is that some folks get emotionally activated when women are self-confident, independent thinkers; direct communicators; and don't constantly pander to other people's experience of the world at the expense of their own. maybe they're intimidated because they've never had, or given themselves, permission to be or do the same. or maybe it's that your refusal (inability) to fit into their small conception of a woman triggers them and all they can do is play the "difficult woman" card.
"Some husbands want to mold you into another person, and it doesn't matter if you're made of marble instead of clay – he'll push and push at you nonetheless, and unless you break for him, he'll make you feel that you're the lowest, most selfish person in the world."
anyway, violet is not unlikable, she's just neurodivergent (most likely) and (more importantly) she is traumatized, both by her upbringing and by her marriage. it's the trauma, I think, that shapes her most – not only does she avoid "feelings" (i.e. vulnerability, i.e. pain), but she also wears a mask with everyone except sebastian. with that kind of constant performing, it's got to do a number on your sense of self. violet's perceived worth comes from what she can produce, not from who she is at her core. it's no wonder she's so closed off to love.
She'd always known she had to mislead Lily in order for her sister to love her. Not just about her activities or her thoughts; she had to lie about everything. It had never occurred to her that Lily – warm, sweet, open Lily – was lying to her, too. That Violet wanted her to do it, because even the illusion of love was preferable to the utter lack of it.
ugh even now I still can't decide if I enjoyed reading this book or not. courtney milan wrote some stunning moments here and there, and I have a bunch of those things highlighted...
"I can't live my life without any risk," she said. "I tried. A life without risk is one where I tell myself I'm not worthy of taking a chance. It's a life without hope for the future."
but I really had to push myself through the first 80% of the book. 80 percent! while I appreciated the author's note at the end (including her discovery of anna clausen)... a good author's note does not a good book make. it just didn't emotionally resonate, as much as I wanted it to.2 wish this would've activated my imagination as much as it did my intellect!
occasionally sebastian would say things like: "there were no safe paths with violet, only lions all the way" or "I don't think you have a secret. it's like you were made by some fiend of a blacksmith. you're a puzzle without a solution. there is no way to undo you. all I can do is learn to avoid the razors" and I'd just sit there like 👁️👄👁️. absolutely appalling! even if he did make up for it later.↩
back in the 2010s, I read courtney milan's contemporary romance, trade me, which featured a similarly avoidant character (tina chen!). I loved tina chen. I loved her coming to terms with the idea of a relationship with wealthy charlie hunnam (blake). I distinctly recall connecting with that book on a deep emotional level – so I was a little surprised I didn't get that in the countess conspiracy. is it because the plotline in the contemporary romance was more personal to the author (who I've since learned is culturally chinese/hakka)? or is it that I was much more avoidant when I read trade me and could better identify with tina? or was the plot just simpler compared to the countess conspiracy, requiring less explanation and setup? unclear. but I really missed the emotional immersion in this one.↩